The old maximum “know thyself,” inscribed in stone at the Temple of Delphi, Greece and popularized by Greek philosophers, originates in Buddha’s teaching (not to be confused with the religion of Buddhism). Whereas Socrates regarded an unexamined life as worthless and declared that knowing yourself is wisdom, Pythagoras claimed that no human is free until they have conquered the empire of their own being. While the maximum was a cornerstone of ancient Greece philosophy, it is much older, stemming from Buddha’s teaching of self-realization:
A long row of gurus and thinkers proclaim similar ideas, seen in, for example, “Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world” (Ramana Maharsi), “he who knows himself is enlightened” (Lao Tzu), and “Know thyself and all will be revealed” (Pamela Theresa Loertscher).
Although know thyself is well-known, few people venture on the journey of self-discovery. Friedrich Nietzsche in his On the Genealogy of Morals argues that one reason for this is failing to look:
“We are unknown, we knowers, ourselves to ourselves: this has its own good reason. We have never searched for ourselves—how should it then come to pass, that we should ever find ourselves?
Some people, like Marty Rubin, author of The Boiled Frog Syndrome declare the whole process of self-realization to be boring and so argue for a path to nothingness (which ironically is the goal of self-realization, dissolving the self). While the reasons for not embracing self-discovery may vary, Laurence Galian notes that the process of “’know thyself’ can be a sharp and painful sword, but it must be endured in order to be a True Human Being.” As Akiroq Brost claims, “How can you even know what you want, if you don't know who you are? Invest the time and energy into getting to know yourself. Get real with yourself.” Then, when you know yourself, Evan Sutter maintains that you are no longer a product of the environment but the creator of it.
According to Eric Micha’el Levental, as soon as you realize that you and nobody else create your own experience, your own world, the more important it becomes to discover who this creator is because, as Omar Cherif states, we are our own victimizers and liberators. In Hiral Nagda’s view, we must explore ourselves in “silent contemplation” by peeling off layer by layer of our own being, as Vironika Tugaleva continues “To know yourself, you must first sacrifice the illusion that already you do.” In short, knowing thyself is becoming undone.
This summer, I spent 10-days in the Swedish forest looking for myself through the lens of Vipassana. I have always had a deep desire to discover myself (and the universe), at times, facing criticism. One ex-partner claimed that I’ve dedicated my whole life to self-exploration as if it was a bad thing. While this may be true because my yoga, art, dance, and research, etc., are all means of self-exploration, I still see self-exploration and growth as a necessity of every good relationship. As Buddha teaches, we can only find peace and love in ourselves and offer these to others. Eventually, to cite J. Krishnamurti, “What will bring peace is inward transformation … Without knowing yourself, there is no peace.”
For those who are new to Vipassana, it’s a somatic meditation practice handed down by Guatama Buddha (c. 500 B.C.), through which you liberate yourself from suffering by exploring bodily sensations and in this, learn to control your mind. Vipassana is a part of Dhamma, based in sīla, samādhi, and paññā, described as morality and wisdom, mind control, and freedom from mental defilements. The word Vipassana originates in Pali language, and the practice is a form of mindful meditation where you see things as they are. In Buddha’s time, Vipassana was practiced in many parts of India, Asia, and Europe. Over the centuries the practice amalgamated with other techniques until it fell into oblivion with the exception of Burma, where the practice of Vipassana continued unchanged until today. Vipassana teacher Satya Narayana Goenka (1924-2013) learned the technique from his teacher in Burma. Goenka, who in his early years was a prosperous businessperson, initially sought out the practice to free himself from a type of migraine, which, according to doctors all over the world, was incurable. However, Goenka's application was first rejected by his becoming teacher Sayagyi U Ba Khin. It was not until Goenka changed his approach from medical to spiritual that he was accepted to undergo a 10-day Vipassana course, after which he continued to practice. After several years, Goenka became a Vipassana teacher and brought the practice to India, where it continued to spread all over the world: Europe, Asia, the Americas, etc. You can find a list of Dhamma centers and associations here, which are all donation based.
I did my first Vipassana training at Dhamma Sobhana in Ödeshög, Sweden. Before going, I consulted a friend, who has a 15-year experience of Vipassana. Although my friend, Mirva, told me that we would sit for hours searching for sensations on our bodies, I could not understand the depths of the technique because, as I now know, Vipassana must be experienced.
During the training, there are some rules, which must be followed: no killing, speaking, lying, and no sexual activity or intake of toxic substances. After course completion, you are asked to continue practicing morality and to be mindful about your thoughts, language, actions, and sexuality. Before the training starts you must also hand in all technical devices, writing and reading materials. This means no phones, tablets, books, or journals, etc. Because of this, the training can also be viewed as a technological detox. While the rules may seem strange to outsiders, they are designed to protect you. While training, they become obvious: If you want to work on yourself deeply, if you want to know yourself, you must abstain from distractions, such as talking, writing, reading, socializing, and entertainment. Would questions or problems arise, you are advised to talk to the course instructors or teacher in private.
During the course, you will meditate for an average of 10 hours every day. Believe me, this is hard work but will eventually pay off if you’re willing to put in the effort. The first three days of the training is dedicated to Anapana meditation, which sharpens your senses, your concentration, and introduces you to the practice. This is done by focusing on the nasal area of your face in different ways. On the fourth day, the Vipassana meditation begins, where you scan your body for sensations, moving from head to toes, from toes to head. The instructions may change every day, sometimes even twice daily, forcing you to be alert and active. With every new instruction, you will cut a little deeper into your own body. On the last day, you will learn Metta, a loving-kindness meditation and also return to speaking.
The practice transformed pain into healing. If you’re unused to sitting still for many hours, you will most likely encounter some pain during the initial days while the body adjusts. Most of my fellow meditators and I, who were new to Vipassana, seemed to experience pain and discomfort during the early and/or middle stages of the training with the exception of one practitioner, who claimed that they only felt pleasant sensations and vibrations. You may also encounter pain and discomfort for other reasons, caused by past injuries or traumas. I can say that for me, the body parts that were pain free were in minority. My body felt like a container of pain, which I had so far been unconscious of. When one part of my body was pain free, the torment showed up somewhere else. Although not part of the training, I could often relate the pain, surfacing on my skin, to tight or weak spots on my body (which my massage therapist has been pointing to) together with my gluten intolerance and past trauma of cancer. I could also relate the pain to my sitting posture. During my first two Vipassana sittings, I tried to move away from it by leaning one millimetre to one side or the other until, on my third sitting, I bravely faced the pain by remaining completely still while piercing through each painful spot, following Goenka’s advice. I soon realized that with patience and awareness, the pain would dissolve into vibrations. Now, don’t allow my experience to stop you from trying Vipassana since everyone is different, and I encountered a massive number of joyful sensations, too. So, it was pain and discomfort mixed with pleasure. Since there was nowhere to go — no escape from my pain, from myself, or from my own darkness — the only way through it was confrontation, which triggered self-healing through sensations, such as contractions and pressure. On day eight, my painful condition substantially improved, waking up to a whole new body, described by the French writer Colette in another context as ”When my body thinks, everything else is silent. At those moments all my skin has a soul.”
The essence of Vipassana is to observe the sensations with a balanced mind and an awareness of change. On the one hand, this means to not attach yourself to the tingling, tickling, joyful, or pleasurable sensations you may encounter; on the other hand, to not develop aversion against the gross sensations, blank areas, discomfort, pain, torment, anger, irritation, or disgust, etc., which may arise. The sensations on the skin are caused by past sankaras, meaning formations or that which have been put together, that is, past positive and negative conditions, such as old wants, desires, cravings, aversions, anger, disgust, or hate, etc., which by doing Vipassana, you seek to free yourself from. Thus, this thing (this ego), which you call the self, is no more than a collection of sankaras, a collection of desires and aversions, imprinted on your body.
Key is to understand the impermanent nature, anitta, of the sensations and, therefore, avoid labelling them into good or bad while remaining, as Goenka says, “equanimous” when observing. Awareness and equanimity will gradually weaken the sankaras until they dissolve into vibrations. On the contrary, if you react to these, they will multiply and deepen (and this is what most people unconsciously do in normal life). By remaining balanced and objective, you gradually peel off your sankaras, your mental impurities, which you yourself have created and stored in your body, causing suffering. This is how you get to know thyself. Through Vipassana, you experience your truth, not your friend’s or teacher’s, but your own truth. This is how you undo yourself and your ego, created through a paradox of wants versus aversions, picked up by your own senses. Contemporary psychology supports Buddha’s understanding of the self (the ego). For example, Julia Kristeva’s notion of subjectivity describes a self, resulting from a similar contradiction of desire versus rejection (abjection).
Although you will not self-realize during these ten days, you have taken the first major steps towards knowing your own being and instinctual body. The training also provides a toolbox for future explorations of sensations through daily meditation, morality, and developing your own critical thinking. One week after completing the course, the benefits which I’ve noticed are that I feel calmer, lighter, stronger, more serene, more whole, more patient, and tolerant. I have a new level of security and awareness of myself. I also seem to detect other people's impurities, which they unknowingly generate and transmit to others, such as irritation, anger, and fear although without absorbing these if I stay balanced, harmonious, and aware of my own sensations, which is huge for an empath like me. I have accordingly arrived at a new me, and you can achieve the same. If you get serious about the practice through consistent meditation and service, eventually you will know thyself.
While you can also reach self-realization through other meditation methods, including visualization and verbalization, Vipassana seems superior because Goenka tells, enlightened persons, who have reached nirvana using other techniques, still struggle with past sankaras. If these remain in the body, they may be provoked at any time. As to conclude, to all my fellow seekers of themselves, I can warmly recommend Vipassana meditation.
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